Fighting Through Fear
“When your desire to make a difference outweighs your fear of failure, you will succeed.” This was recently stated by a fellow health coach at a conference I attended, whose mother was diagnosed with cancer and healed herself through nutrition after her doctor told her if she does not get chemo and radiation she will die in one year. This statement deeply resonated with me! As many of you know, I’m in the middle of a transition right now, starting to take the stePs of leaving behind a career in TV and film to begin a career as an integrative nutrition health coach, teacher, and writer.
I currently work full time at a TV production company, which I thought and hoped could be my bread and butter while I finished nutrition school, built my company (Healing My Skin), and got it off the ground. That would have been the perfect situation. Unfortunately, all of it was energy draining, time sucking, and stressful. I pushed through for a while, but eventually I got sick – so sick I was out of work for two weeks. I knew deep in my gut I was sick because of the stress I was feeling. It wasn’t just stress of the job, though; it was stress I felt from not having enough time and energy to focus on what I loved: helping people, school, building my company, and spending quality time with family, friends, and the love of my life.
I found myself sacrificing sleep to squeeze in all the important things. Then, slowly, the realization started to kick in. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be spending more time doing what I love and with who I love, and squeezing in everything else? I spoke to some close friends who pointed out the obvious, that I’ve been complaining about my job for a long time and that I should re-evaluate my situation. I don’t know why I needed to hear it from them instead of listening to my gut, which was telling me the exact same thing. Apparently, I don’t trust my gut until my friends and family are pointing it out to me! My gut tends to want to do scary things. Lesson learned on listening to it more. I’m working on it!
The thing is, I know why I wasn’t listening to my gut. I was terrified! If I listened to it, I knew I would have to quit my job—and I couldn’t face that fear quite yet, I wasn’t ready. If I quit, how would I make money? I had just launched Healing My Skin and knew it would take time to grow. I wanted to work part-time, so I could have the time and freedom to focus on building it. But who would hire me part time that would pay well enough to take care my bills and have a life? I’m almost 40, and I actually enjoy being able to go out to eat or treat myself to a manicure! As the questions raced through my mind, the stress levels rose.
There was one question I kept asking myself that finally helped me make my decision: How am I supposed to help people make their health a priority if I can’t do that for myself?
I was returning to work after being out sick, and I now knew what I had to do. I couldn’t ignore my gut another day. Although I knew it so deeply, I asked the universe to show me a sign that if I quit I would be okay. I must have asked 50 times! I’d be quitting my job while building my business… and, did I mention I’m saving for my wedding? High stakes, people! I kept second-guessing my decision, and my gut kept screaming, “DO IT FOR YOUR HEALTH!”
To make things worse, I had developed a small patch of Psoriasis on my leg that was definitely the result of stress! I hadn’t been loving myself as much as I needed to regarding my diet, exercise, and my spiritual practice. A new or growing spot is always a devastating feeling that hits me right in my heart. It’s my body telling me that I’m not taking care of it, that I’m not meeting its needs. That, in turn, makes me feel all sorts of negative emotions – guilt, sadness, and anger are my top three. Not good! I woke up Monday with the intention of quitting sometime that week. I was giving myself some extra love that morning, sipping on my hot water with lemon, repeating the affirmations, “I can heal” and, “the universe will take care of me.” But deep down I was terrified it wouldn’t take care of me.
I WAS TERRIFIED!
I didn’t allow this fear to stop me, though. I wasn’t going to change my mind. I walked to work with the intention to believe and trust I was going to be okay, and that I would find the perfect, stress-free, part-time gig working from home so I could have more energy and time to focus on what was important to me. I’m following my gut and my dream; I’ll be supported, right?
I’m sure you are all wondering what the hell happened by now. Well, I quit. And, not only did I quit, but the universe presented me with five tangible opportunities that Monday, one after another, after another…and all working remotely, part-time from home. It was miraculous! A dear friend said to me, “Kim, it’s amazing how, when you take the leap, the universe rewards you!” She’s so right!
I wanted to share this story with you to help you fight through your fear. This is the thing: there will always be fear creeping into our lives. We can’t escape it. But we can make the decision of whether or not we are going to allow it to get in our way. I know it might seem so easy for me to say that, now, after I’ve already quit and have other work that will give me a paycheck. But the fear I was feeling while taking that risk was incredibly scary and real. Scarier than anything I’ve felt in a long time. There was a little voice in me telling me I had to do it, and I trusted that voice. I’m asking you to trust yours. I’m not asking you to leave your toxic job or relationship, or give up sugar. I’m asking you to listen to your inner voice that will guide you to the healthy path you want to be on to thrive and live your happiest life. It might take a day or a year, but it’ll happen. Trust that you will get there when YOU are ready.
When your desire to make a difference outweighs your fear of failure, you will succeed. Love that!
I would love to hear how you deal with fear. Do you find yourself avoiding it? Confronting it? Please share your stories with me to help inspire others!